Last month I was fired. I’m fine with it, really, yet I found myself feeling anger and resentment about how bad things were before I was fired and the fact that I didn’t get to leave on my own terms. I was angry at the organization leadership, and also at myself.

I blamed my employer for poor communication, and lack of leadership. I blamed myself for being taken advantage of.

It took several weeks of processing to move past my anger and resentment. I was able to forgive myself. I admit I’m still working on forgiving my former employer but I know it will come.

Resentment is a powerful emotion that has it’s upside. I can learn from resentment. For example, my resentment helped me recognize that I had ignored my instincts and tried to make it work when it clearly wasn’t working. Next time I am working in an unhealthy situation I will remind myself of this situation and make different choices. I might set better boundaries, clearly express my concerns, or choose to leave the situation completely.

My resentment also tells me I gave too much. No matter what someone else does or says, it’s up to me what I give, and to whom I give it.

While resentment can teach me what I can do differently, it also keeps me tied to the past. To move forward, I must let resentment go.

How to move past resentment

Get angry

Anger is a scary emotion and it’s also a healthy emotion. Feeling anger doesn’t give you permission to perpetuate harm; it does allow you to acknowledge the harm that has been done.

Feel it

Sometimes you just have to feel your feelings for a little bit, even the icky ones. Give yourself a set amount of time to feel your resentment- just don’t get carried away with it.

Learn from it

Learning from resentment allows you to acknowledge your part in the situation, and how to take better care of yourself in the future.

Take responsibility

Your life is your responsibility. Some people will help you and some people will hurt you, but ultimately your life, your happiness, and your success is your own. Decide what kind of life you want to have and make choices that support it.

If you are still in a situation that’s causing you resentment, it’s time to do something different. Set boundaries, adjust your expectations, or leave that situation.

Forgive

You’re feeling resentment which means someone did you wrong. How dare they?! How could they?! I don’t deserve this!

We’re all wronged at some point, and we all wrong others. We’re human and we all make mistakes. We all hurt someone sometimes, and most of the time we harm others without meaning to or even knowing we’re doing it. To move on, you’ve got to forgive.

Move on

What’s next in your life? What are you working toward? Make plans, take action, and move forward in your life.