Hi, my name is Chrysta and I’m an introvert.
Most people are surprised to find out I’m an introvert because I’ve spent years, my whole life, really, learning to be extroverted when I need to be. Fake it ’til ya make it, baby!
As a child I learned just how difficult it is to be an introvert moving from school to school between 6 different elementary schools. My step-dad was in the military and we moved around a lot. I had to learn to be social or die (maybe just a slight exaggeration). And let’s face it, being an introvert in social situations feels life threatening.
As an adult I continued to struggle with my introversion with a side of social anxiety. I would bring candy, cookies, and other treats with me to social events to break the ice. Acquaintances knew me as the “cookie girl”. “Hey, there’s the cookie girl!” Being social was easier when I had a “job” to do.
I was in my mid-30’s when my career growth plateaued. Once again I had to push far outside my comfort zone or die (at least, that’s the way it feels). I nervously started attending networking events. I challenged myself to get good at networking.
And I did get good at networking. Or so I like to think.
Last week I attended a new networking event and my social anxiety reared it’s ugly head. I couldn’t find the venue and as I wandered about looking for the right room my anxiety level continued to rise. I eventually found the group and made it through the meeting, but I won’t lie, it’s was a huge challenge to stick it out!
When I told a friend about my anxiety she asked me about my experience. I told her my social anxiety is recognized by a very specific feeling- fight or flight. In that moment staying put is absolutely the last thing I want to do.
This recent bout of social anxiety caused me to reflect on how I’ve changed and what I’ve learned about managing my social anxiety and introversion. And it feels important to share because I know there’s people like me who are pushing past the discomfort to even walk in the door at a networking event.
Networking is important for my career and my business. To be my best and make a difference in this world I have to collaborate, share ideas, learn new ideas, and communicate my value- all that happens in networking.
Here’s the best lessons I’ve learned networking while introvert, straight from me to you.
An Introvert’s Guide To Networking
Choose activity-based networking groups
The hardest part of networking groups for introverts is interacting with people you’ve just met for the for the very fist time for a full hour or more. EEEEP! My favorite networking groups are those that have an educational exercise or activity during the meeting. During the activity I can participate and get to know people without having to be in “networking” mode.
Ditch the elevator pitch
Introverts hate small talk and elevator pitches are all talk. Ditch the elevator pitch and tell people about the value of your work. Who do you help? How do you help? Mine goes something like this, “I help motivated women in business build confidence, communicate their value, and get recognized for their contributions.”
Ask meaningful questions
I don’t care what you do, I want to know who you are! I love to ask meaningful questions when I meet people for the first time. My favorite questions is, “what do you love about your work?”
Network one-on-one
I’m so much better one-on-one than I am in a large group of new people. If you’re like me, start meeting with people outside networking groups to build relationships. Give this a try, “hey, we just met and this is crazy, but let’s get coffee, maybe?” (Don’t actually say that, but something along those lines.)
Buddy up
Speaking of which, attending networking groups is easier when I know someone there. If I don’t already know someone, I bring someone! Or offer to go with a friend to his/her favorite networking group.
Get involved
I’m not so good at striking up a conversation with a stranger but I am good at making myself useful. I try to find ways to get involved at networking events, from setting up to tearing down, there are usually a variety of opportunities to get involved and get to know people working together for a common goal.
Say hello
When I started networking my strategy was to take a deep breath, smile, and say hello. Hey, we all start somewhere and hello is as good a place as any!
Are you an introvert or extrovert? What are your biggest challenges in networking? How will you overcome them?
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