What does it take to be confident- to believe in yourself and encourage others to believe in you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how confident are you? How is your self-esteem?
Even if you have a healthy self-confidence, you may be sabotaging your personal and professional life without realizing it. Could that be why you didn’t get the raise you asked for? Could that be why you didn’t get the job offer?
Women, in particular, frequently undermine confidence we have in ourselves and the confidence that others have in us. Why do we do this? It’s because we’re taught to be nice, to be pleasant, to be agreeable. Most of the time we don’t even realize that our attempts to be polite sabotage confidence. Most of these attempts to be polite are simply bad habits.
I’ve got good news, though. You can be professional and pleasant and still inspire confidence- if you stop these damaging habits!
4 Habits That Sabotage Confidence
01. Using minimizing language
How many times have you started an email, “I’m just confirming our appointment”, or said, “I just wanted to check in with you”?
Isn’t it about time you stopped just-ifying your thoughts, actions, and opinions? Yes, it is! Saying “just” sounds less confident and it’s unneeded.
And here’s another phrase you can stop using…. are you ready for it? “I think.”
Stop saying “I think” before you share your opinion- particularly when you’ve been asked to share your opinion! Saying “I think” at the beginning of a statement undermines your authority and expertise.
02. Using judging language
How often do you use words that imply you aren’t intelligent? How often do you use words that suggest you’re not competent? Because that’s exactly what happens when you say the following words: should, always, never
First of all, ladies, please stop shoulding yourself. Instead of should, try saying “choose”.
Here, let me give you an example. “I should go to the gym today,” versus, “I choose to go to the gym today.” “Should” is self-shaming whereas “choose” is self-affirming!
And let’s talk about “always” and “never”- any statement that includes “always” or “never” are laced with judgement and shame. If you say, “I never understand what he’s saying,” it implies you are incapable of understanding, and it’s unlikely you never understand.
03. Justifying compliments
How do you receive compliments? Do you feel the need to justify your compliment? You know, when you say something like, “thank you, but it was really a team effort,” or “thank you, it was really nothing.”
Instead of “thank you, but” statement, try a simple “thank you”.
Even better, start saying “thank you, and”. For example, “thank you, I worked really hard,” or “thank you, it’s an honor to be recognized”.
04. Apologizing
Do you apologize for everything? Notice how often you say “I’m sorry” in a day. Chances are you’re “sorry” for things that aren’t your responsibility or aren’t your fault.
I did this very thingĀ the other day! I was picking out mouthwash and said, “I’m sorry” when someone walked by. Um… why was I sorry? Did I do something wrong?
Instead of saying, “I’m sorry”, try saying, “thank you”.
Instead of, “I’m sorry I’m late,” try saying, “thank you for your patience.” Instead of saying, “I’m sorry to take up so much of your time,” try saying, “thank you for taking time to meet with me.”
Which of these 4 habits do you need to break? If you’re like me, you’ve done them all. Maybe, like me, you’ve made progress on changing the way you speak about yourself.
If you notice yourself falling back into bad habits, don’t beat yourself up about it. Simply notice the bad habit, and speak more positively about yourself next time!
If you’re committed to creating positive new habits about around how you speak about yourself, ask a friend to join you. Share this post and get an accountability partner so you can help each other buildĀ a communication style that inspires confidence!