Every office has one- the office bully. That person who intimidates and manipulates those around him- disrupting work, destroying morale, and making everyone in the office as miserable as he is.
I’ve worked with bullies who were my co-workers, my employees, and my boss. It mattered little if I was the manager or the employee- an office bully bullies indiscriminately, and the effect is the same regardless of hierarchy.
Office bullies have a particularly powerful effect on introverts as we tend to internalize our experiences. In her book Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength, Laurie A. Helgoe wrote, “Introverts tend to internalize problems. In other words, we place the source of problems within and blame ourselves. Though introverts may also externalize and see others as the problem, it’s more convenient to keep the problem ‘in house’.” Many introverts struggle to detach from the behavior of the office bully and may find our job performance scrutinized when dealing with a bully at work.
Common traits of the office bully include gossiping, criticism disguised as concern, hoarding information, exaggerating or misrepresenting situations, and playing the victim.
The office bully may be respected and well-liked around the office as they position themselves as an authority at the expense of others.
Office bullies may show genuine compassion and kindness- virtues they aspire to but are often unable to maintain.
Office bullying is often overlooked as bullies make everyone uncomfortable yet manage to fly under the radar- avoiding responsibility and shifting blame to those around them.
Unfortunately, it is often those around the bully who pay the price for his bad behavior. Those of us who work with office bullies are likely to quit or worse, get fired. (Yes, it’s happened to me!)
Common traits of the office bully include gossiping, criticism disguised as concern, hoarding information, exaggerating or misrepresenting situations, and playing the victim.
I’ve observed office bullies up close and from afar. I’ve watched management handle them poorly and handle them well. I’ve been on the receiving end of their lies and misdirection and I’ve seen other good people take the fall. I don’t want it to happen to you (or me, again).
How to deal with the office bully
Keep it professional
Office bullies will use information to manipulate situations and people so avoid giving them more to work with. Keep your conversations and relationships professional. Avoid discussing personal topics and do not accept their friend request on Facebook!
Be pleasant
While you want to limit your personal contact with a bully you do want to maintain a friendly attitude, remaining kind and pleasant. For example, saying “good morning” and “good night”. A friendly attitude will minimize conflict with the bully and show you can handle yourself with grace and aplomb.
Process your emotions
The office bully benefits from getting you to react emotionally. They’ll show you their emotions in one-on-one interactions then play it cool around other people, making you appear unstable, irrational, or unreasonable. Be aware of your emotions dealing with the office bully and don’t let them control you. Notice what you’re feeling and express it in healthy ways such as working it out through exercise, journaling, or confiding in a trusted mentor or friend.
Don’t complain
Yes, working with an office bully sucks but complaining will only keep you in the pain of it, focused on the negative. If you find yourself repeating your complaints to anyone who will listen, it’s time to stop complaining and focus on something else instead.
Practice self-care
Working with a bully will drain your resources so this is a time to up your self-care. Get plenty of sleep, exercise, eat right, have fun- do whatever keeps you strong and healthy.
Keep good records
It’s always smart to keep track of your tasks and accomplishments at work. When dealing with an office bully, it’s even more important to document expectations, agreements, deadlines, and progress. Keeping a record of your good work will keep you motivated, help you focus on your work, and may defend your position if the bully makes a false accusation towards you.
Do good work
If you work with an office bully there’s a good chance you’ll start focusing on the behavior of the bully more than your own work- don’t fall into this trap! Do good work and continue to do your best every day. Focusing on your work can distract you from the bully, give you a sense of control over your situation, and keep you from taking the blame for reduced productivity.
While bullies may make a good impression initially, they will often reveal their true nature with time. If you find yourself working with an office bully be patient, focus on your work, and try to ride it out.
Sometimes work bullies are higher up in the organization and manage to stick around for years. In this situation, you may want to transfer out of the bully’s sphere of influence, or it may be in your best interest to find another job. In the meantime, do your best to be your best self and rise above a difficult situation.
Have you successfully dealt with an office bully? Please share your experience in the comments!