In my marketing work, I help clients choose the right words to say to their customers to get them to take action. However, I have often found that what’s really holding these leaders back are the words they say to themselves and to those closest to them.
And that makes sense – the messages you hear most – even from yourself – start to shape your life.
I found out the power of changing my language by just trying it out with one of these words. It gave me so much new energy and fresh momentum, that I started to look for other upgrades as well!
Here are the 3 words to replace:
1. Replace “but” with “and”
Have you ever heard that “anything you say after you say the word ‘but’ doesn’t count”? If someone were to say “That was good, but….” or “I love you, but….” it kinda removes the positive feeling of the first part of the sentence. And worse yet, it splits your message and reduces the power of your statement:
Example: “I want that promotion, but I don’t have the certification.”
The energy of that sentence goes in two different directions, which seem to contradict each other, and your conversation partner can’t tell which part to respond to.
So, if you want to make a complex statement, and say it with power, try replacing “but” with AND. Here are some examples:
a. That was great, and I have some suggestions…
b. I love you, and I know that I need….
c. I want that promotion, and I know I don’t have the certification…
d. It’s time to make a change, and I’m nervous…
Can you feel the difference? More aligned, more powerful, and even more positive, just by shifting that one word. This was the first word I replaced, and now I’ve gone on to replace these other 3 as well:
2. Replace the casual “Sorry” with “Thank You”
This one seemed really odd to me at first. And then I tried it!
It turns out that I was saying “sorry” many times throughout my day, and it was making me feel a little bit of a drop in my power all day long.
1. Sorry I’m running late
2. Sorry to have bothered you with this
3. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner
4. Sorry this isn’t coming out right
And the reason I was doing it? Well, I just wanted others to know I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt or bother them. In other words, I wanted to acknowledge others feelings or actions.
So why not just thank them!?
Here are the statements from above translated into “Thank You” statement:
1. Thanks for your patience!
2. Thank you for hearing me out on this.
3. Thanks for your patience with my reply.
4. Thanks for understanding me.
This little switch created so much more positivity in my life, and I noticed a better connection with those around me. My friends and colleagues don’t want me to feel bad, they want me (and need me) at my best to do a great job.
Note: this is not to be used with important apologies where the words “I’m Sorry” can mean so much. This is for the casual “sorries” that we toss around, that actually dilute the power of that phrase for real regret.
For a visual illustration of this concept, look here!
3. Replace “try” with either “intend” or “commit”.
This is a subtle shift that can make all the difference in your momentum.
I like to do a little exercise in my classes where I have people “try” to lift their hand. Somehow, it always seems to make people struggle and squirm around doing something so simple. They lift it half-way, and then I see them waaaaayyyyy over-thinking how to get their hand up in the air!
There’s just something about the word “try” that implies it probably won’t happen.
Now, “intend” on the other hand. Even though it is not as strong as “commit,” somehow carries some follow-through energy with it. Go ahead, intend to raise your hand. Most people Intend to do it, and then they Do It.
And you can add another level if and when you’re ready. Are you intending to finish that project, or are you committed to it? Listen to the differences:
1. I’ll try to get it done today.
2. I intend to have that done by the end of the day.
3. I am committed to having that on your desk before I leave.
Notice your level of follow-through, and go ahead and voice it! It will increase your internal power as much as your reliability with those you’re speaking to.
I would love to hear if you have replaced any words in your life, and what effects you’ve noticed. If any of these fit for you, take it on this week and see what shifts you notice in yourself and in the reactions of those you speak with.
Also, see Chrysta’s earlier blog that inspired this one: 4 Words to Edit in the Story of Your Life
Amanda’s passion is working with women who find themselves in higher levels of leadership than they planned – needing to speak, negotiate, or sell. She shares tools to help them stay in Joy & Authenticity as they lead. You can find out more at Everyday-Light.com.