I’m not afraid of being found out as fake. I don’t fear being a fraud. The first time I heard of impostor syndrome, I didn’t relate. “I don’t feel like an impostor,” I thought.
It wasn’t until later I realized I do experience impostor syndrome. I don’t see myself as equal to those I aspire to associate with. I constantly feel I have to prove myself because I still believe I haven’t earned what I have. And it’s never enough; I have to keep proving myself over and over, every day.
A while ago I was asked to give a presentation on impostor syndrome and I agreed, wondering if they had chosen the right person to present on this topic. That’s right, I was, on some level, afraid of being an impostor at speaking about impostor syndrome. I suppose they chose the right person to ask after all.
As I dug deeper into the research around impostor syndrome I discovered I did relate. Impostor syndrome isn’t just the fear of being discovered to be a fraud, it is the inability to internalize accomplishments and achievements. These achievements are written off as being the result of luck, timing, or trickery.
Oh, you mean like never thinking I’m good enough? Believing I don’t quite belong in the roles and responsibilities I’ve been given? Feeling like I have to prove myself every single day? I resemble that remark!
Originally thought to affect women in greater numbers, studies now show that impostor syndrome affects men and women equally, and up to 70% of people are believed to have experienced impostor syndrome at some point in life.
I’ve presented on impostor syndrome quite a few times now, and I see it more and more in myself. Impostor syndrome has hit me harder in the past month. In the last 30 days I was interviewed in the StoryCorps booth, auditioned for a TEDx talk, and I’ve been working on my first book, Beautiful Badass: How To Believe In Yourself Against The Odds.
As I step onto bigger stages and begin to reach more people with my message, that voice in my head gets louder. “Who do you think you are,” the voice demands. “You don’t belong here. You’re not good enough to be here. You don’t have what it takes.”
Impostor syndrome isn’t all bad. It certainly serves the purpose of keeping me safe, secure, and humble. The problem is success isn’t really all that risky, and security is boring. As for humility, well, I certainly am that to the point of feeling unfulfilled, broke, and unhappy. Screw that!
Impostor syndrome primarily affects ambitious (check) high achievers (check). So what can be done about? Here’s where the research falls short. I haven’t found many concrete suggestions to overcome impostor syndrome, other than recommendations to talk about it with mentors and peers. That’s…. helpful?
As I’ve presented on impostor syndrome I’ve had some great conversations with my coaching clients and audiences and crowd-sourced some specific, actionable tools to deal with the syndrome. I may always experience impostor syndrome to some extent, and I welcome it’s ability to keep me grounded and real, and I will also find ways to face it head on so it doesn’t keep me from reaching my potential.
Here are 3 ways to overcome impostor syndrome!
01. Receive praise and compliments
Impostor syndrome stems from the inability to integrate accomplishments. Not taking credit for your accomplishments often starts with deflecting compliments and praise. Stop playing compliment dodgeball and let those compliments make contact!
Start practicing with a mentor or a trusted friend. Make an agreement that whenever you’re complimented by that person you won’t say “thank you”. Don’t say anything in response. When you immediately say, “thank you,” you take positive attention off yourself and shift attention to someone else. Let the attention stay on you.
Another way to practice receiving praise is to reply to compliments saying, “thank you, I KNOW!” Work on owning those compliments! Saying, “I know,” in response to praise will be super uncomfortable at first- and that’s the point. Again, this usually works best when pre-arranged with a mentor or friend as out in the world people might balk at this response.
When practicing receiving praise outside your close circle of influence, pause and hear the compliment. Repeat the words to yourself and take a breath before you say “thank you”. And please, oh please, do not in any way discount the praise you’ve just received.
(p.s. Improving your ability to receive praise can also increase your income!)
As you begin to integrate compliments, you improve your ability to integrate your accomplishments.
02. Celebrate your progress
Take time to celebrate and enjoy your progress. After all, progress is the new perfect.
When you take time to consciously acknowledge and honor your progress, you learn to integrate your achievements with every small step along the way. One way to do this is to track your progress weekly. You can keep a list of your “weekly wins” in a calendar or journal, or make a commitment to share your wins with a coach, mentor, or accountability partner.
This is not your to-do list, this is your ta-da list, as my friend Laurie Macomber says. She notices and tracks her small steps every day!
Start integrating your progress in small achievements and it becomes easier to integrate the big accomplishments, too.
03. Brag more!
Most of my clients who experience impostor syndrome find it difficult to brag. A key step in integrating accomplishments is getting comfortable enough to brag about them. People who experience impostor syndrome may shy away from the word “brag” and that’s exactly why I want you to brag more! It’s likely your version of bragging won’t really be bragging at all. By challenging yourself to step out of your bragging comfort zone, you’ll likely end up with a healthy ability to talk yourself up without taking it too far.
Look for opportunities to brag more! This can include updating your professional summary on LinkedIn, writing a new bio for your website, or updating your resume to include more accomplishments. You can also be braggier and own your awesome when you talk to a new potential client and say, “that’s exactly the type of problem I’m best at helping my clients solve!”
When someone comments on your skills or experience, own it loud and proud! Avoid “just”-ifying your value.
Getting more comfortable talking yourself up indicates you are integrating your accomplishments.
You may experience impostor syndrome throughout your career and with these three tips you can continue to integrate your achievements so impostor syndrome doesn’t keep you up at night and doesn’t stop you from going after your big goals!